Night Shift

I accomplished another 3 mile run on Friday. It's so much more complicated than it used to be. As soon as I started walking to cool down, Josiah decided he was unconsolably hungry. He cried and cried, so I cut my cool down short, walked into the warm house, huffing and puffing and poring sweat, I quickly downed some chocolate milk, pulled my shirt off, sat in front of a fan, and started feeding Josiah. In the midst of that, my legs felt like they would cramp if I didn't stretch, so I sat on the floor stretching my hamstrings, feeding my baby, all while poring sweat. It was a rather awesome moment that I hope to not have to repeat.
Yesterday, when I woke Bryan up at 4:45pm so we could leave to go to Passover by 5:30, he was still really tired. After the Passover celebration with Christy and the Bentley's, we went to my parent's house for the end of pizza night. Bryan fell sound asleep on the couch. It seems short sleep cycles are adding up and making him tired. Today we had plans to help the Johnstons move back to the duplex from downtown. Bryan was asked to help move bigger stuff in the morning and boxes in the afternoon, so he needed to be up by 9 and functional all day. I volunteered to take care of Josiah all night so he could sleep and be functional today. It had been our theory that Josiah wasn't sleeping much at night, but he slept pretty well for me. I got three 2-2.5 hour stretches of sleep. It was better than I hoped for and I was able to go help with the move as well. I ended up spending my day cleaning out Gosall's room and the bathroom. The bathroom took me 3 hours, plus interruptions for food and to feed Josiah. I just let Josiah sleep on the floor, in someone else's arms, or in the Moby wrap while I worked. I am tired, but not as bad as I thought I'd be after so little sleep. Must be because it was just one night and I was caught up on sleep prior to it. Thank God for a sleeping and not too fussy baby.

Date Night

Today was a little better as far as the milk over production goes. The left side has slowed to normal, and the right is getting closer. Josiah was pretty fussy at night and woke up or fussed a bit every 30 minutes to an hour during the day. By evening he slept 1.5 hours in the swing. I hope this means tonight will be better. Besides enjoying Josiah and taking care of him, accomplishments of the day were doing my hair, taking a walk and going on a dinner date with Bryan. We had my mom come over and watch Josiah, and we went to the Screen Door. We got there right as it opened, so we were kind of at the back of the line, but we were the second to the last table seated. We didn't have to wait for anyone to finish to be seated. We sat on the patio with the heaters on. It was actually nicer than some of my inside experiences because it was less crowded and less noisy. The food was delicious as always. We need to work a little at our ability to have a good conversation, but we enjoyed ourselves anyhow. We got home and Mom had everything under control and Josiah was asleep in his swing. It was a very nice evening!

Running

I succeeded on running 5K with Josiah in the stroller in 32 minutes today. I ended up walking 3 times. I still felt like I accomplished a lot. It was hard, but I did it. I didn't turn into a complete unproductive slug after either. I got laundry done, diapers sunned, Josiah and I showered, and I ate snacks and drank water. We got to hang out with the Reece's for dinner and the evening. It was really nice.
We tried Grovia diapers during diaper laundry. I am still deciding what I think of them.

Nursing Difficulties

I spent a week trying to build up my milk stash in the fridge, so I could sleep for longer stretches at night, and Bryan could bottle feed Josiah. It seems that all the pumping after Josiah ate significantly increased my milk supply, which I thought would be a good thing. It seems to have had a bad effect on Josiah though. If I am out all day with him, and don't both feed him and pump, I get so full of milk that it nearly drowns him when he nurses. He sputters, chokes, frequently pulls away, and somehow gets too much in him almost every time, and has massive quantities of spit up afterword, from both his nose and mouth. The big spit ups must hurt or scare him, because he usually cries inconsolably for 10 minutes after. It's really hard to see. He has none of these symptoms if he drinks from a bottle, or if I have recently pumped. This has been going on since the middle of last week. A new problem arose yesterday; now that I have weaned the nipple shield on the right side completely, and have this excess milk that comes so fast, Josiah doesn't nurse well with the nipple shield on the left side. He either falls asleep with the increased effort and little return; or he gets frustrated and pulls away, or shakes his head, or bites harder, or worst of all pulls back and cries and won't nurse at all with it. This resulted in me trying to wean that side too, but it is not going well. It hurts badly. The latch is hard to get deep enough, and by the time Josiah finally gets it, he gets blasted with so much milk that he pulls away and we have to start over. I never thought breast feeding was so complicated. It is worth the health benefits and the money savings for me to try to work through the frustrations.
I spent today trying to improve things. I tried reclining after we get a good latch to slow the flow. It seems to stop the sputtering and choking. He still pulls away a lot. I try to burp Josiah several times during nursing. It seems to give me time to observe and stop him before he gets over full. He only had one really huge spit up followed by crying fit today, and I must admit, I was distracted and let him nurse too long. I only pumped when I got up and before the last feeding before I go to bed. I got 5.5 ounces out on the latter, and I didn't pump until it was dry. I tried to just pump until the pressure of the flow was more a drip than a spray. That's a lot of extra milk for one day. I also tried to keep offering the same side until it emptied, so that Josiah would still get some of the fat that comes at the end of a nursing session. It seems to be helping some. Josiah actually ate well once with the nipple guard some, and I was able to help him get a good latch without it at least 3 times today.
I hope decreasing my milk supply can happen as fast as increasing it did.

Lazy Day

I wanted to title this "Rest" or "Relaxation Day", but it wasn't really either, just lazy. Every time we tried to rest or relax, Josiah would wake and be fussy. We were mostly in bed until 1pm. We mostly sat on the couch until 5 when we decided to take a walk before group tonight.
I watched a YouTube clip about the 5 things babies say, and have been carefully listening to Josiah's pre cry noises to try and tell what he is saying. He does make those noises, but so far I'm much better at knowing what he needs situationally, and by his body language, than by the noises. A couple times I thought I knew and tried to fix it, and neglected what I already know about the 5 S's for crying that lasts past when needs have been meet. No miracle stopping of all crying yet, but we're learning how to minimize it.

Church

We finally made it to church again. The last two Sundays' attempts failed due to not sleeping at night and not being on functioning feeding times for Josiah. I now have enough milk in the fridge that it wasn't a barrier this time, and so Josiah ate second breakfast during church. It was good, but hard for me not to be distracted. The last time we went Josiah slept peacefully the whole service. This time he was grunting every few minutes, even while taking a bottle. My attention was divided between trying to keep my son from being a disturbance and paying attention to the service. Bryan held him the whole time, which may have contributed to my distraction; I was not in control, yet I felt responsible to control things. I know Bryan is very capable, and the most involved father I have ever been around. He is excellent at knowing what Josiah needs and how to keep him calm and quiet. I just could not let go of the idea that I had to help keep him quiet. I heard most of the message, I just didn't soak it in like I used to. I imagine this distraction continues throughout parenthood. I remember spending entire services trying to remove my dad's wedding ring. It had to have been distracting. I am sure I will learn to manage along the way as Josiah grows up.
One of the things I am most excited about for being on leave is the opportunity to attend weekly Sunday services. I hope we can make this happen better now that we are falling into a night/day pattern that is working most of the time.
After service, we went by BNC in hopes some people stayed late enough that they could meet Josiah and we could visit a bit. We caught Pastor Doug, Marie, Mark, the Andersons (all of them... Mike, Bobbie Elise, Bruce, Pam, Brent, Casey, and kids) Ray, Karen Good, Grace Armstrong, and the Fernandezs. It was good to see them and visit a little. I love the people at BNC. We went to Happy Panda for lunch with the Higleys and Reeces. John vibrated Josiah to sleep with bass notes. At first, he was just looking around trying to figure out what it was, and then his eyes started rolling back. It was pretty cute.
As we feared, from the drowsiness of the day, as soon as Josiah was fed when we got home, he was wide awake for almost 2 hours. Bryan held him while I napped. I love naps. I wish I could make myself take them more. I feel so much more rested now. We talked, had dinner, and watched a bunch of fun YouTube videos. Now I am watching Josiah while Bryan naps. Then we'll trade again for the night.
The last picture is after this morning's shower. I figured out how to shower both if us without Josiah crying, without help, and without dropping him!

Baby Shower Day

I slept from 12-6:45 and then again from 7:15-8:40. I got up and got the last of my shower projects finished. Josiah was extra fussy about being sleepy, and wanting to be held, rather than put down, which made getting dressed, wrapping presents, and gathering last minute things that needed to come with me quite a challenge. I was going to go to the fabric store for a zipper and transfer fabric, but I ended up asking my mom to do it for me. I made it to Kayla's shower on time. I decided to not bring in the car seat or diaper bag, and to I put a swaddle in one pocket, a burp cloth in the other and the pacifier and bottle of milk in my purse. Josiah did great being passed around. He only fussed a little and didn't spit up on anyone. He slept the whole time though. He was awake almost the whole ride there. If it weren't such a long drive he might have been awake in the beginning. Oh well, he was well loved anyhow. It was good to see everyone again. Lucas and Dorothy are so cute and so big. It's hard to believe that in 3 months Josiah will be that size. Judy said that she is working on improving the pumping rooms at Providence. I guess one is way over by nursing education and the other is way over in the tower on the 7th floor. She said that there is only one chair, the outlet is so far from the table that the pump has to be on the floor, and the whole thing takes her about a half hour if she tries to use the room. She is on a mission to fix it, which may seriously benefit me in the end.
I made it to Nike's shower 10 minutes late, but everyone but Heidi was 30 minutes late, so it worked out fine. Turns out I bought way too much food so we have lots of left overs. At least it's things Bryan loves: fruit, yogurt, cheese, meat, and crackers. The sewing thing went well. As it turns out, we didn't need so many sewing machines after all. Mine was the only one that got used. Josiah continued to do rather well being passed around, but he did spit up on a few people, and was a little more fussy when he got tired.
He is happier now that he is home. He was so sweet, looking around and making little noises after I fed him and before he went to sleep. I found I cherished the time more after not holding him much today. I think the only time I held him was while feeding him, otherwise it was someone else. It was a good day, but I am ready to just stay home after church tomorrow, assuming that tonight goes well enough for us to make it to church tomorrow.
One of the pictures shows Josiah's sleepy smile and how bad his baby acne is.

More baby shower prep

It was a rough night, so I didn't really get moving until 1pm yesterday. I put on some worship music, got Josiah in the sling, and I got all the prepping done for my sewing projects that were due to be finished today. (I did finish them with some help from Bryan taking over the sewing when Josiah needed to be fed again. I love that he's good with the sewing machine!) I really like the sling for Josiah, unless I have to do much bending or raising my arms. If I do those things, he slips down so low that it puts his chin on his chest and he can't breath very well. Once my projects were finished, I delivered things for Nike's shower to Katie's house. We did a little prep work and grocery shopping. Katie is really doing most of the work. I don't know how she does it with a fussy, teething, crawling, curious boy. She is rapidly becoming wonder mom.
I should mention that I did all my shower shopping, except for fabric, on-line. I like to shop while feeding Josiah and have it delivered to my door a couple days later. Much easier that going to multiple stores with a one month old baby.
Pizza with my parents was nice. Josiah slept just long enough for me to eat before he woke up hungry. Mom held him after he ate, so I got to do some crocheting while we all watched "Hugo".
I got to bed, with prayer and all, before midnight. It would have been later had I tried to write this blog.
I am pretty proud that I went to bed with 18oz of milk in the fridge. I worked hard to build that up. I sacrificed my time for myself to pump enough to have such a supply. If I keep going I might not have to pump so religiously when I go back to work, which would be really nice.
Bryan stayed up and took care of Josiah while I slept. He didn't really need to though. Josiah slept from midnight to 4 and from 4 to 7. Maybe we are approaching a good time to start a bed time routine.

1 month old

At one month, Josiah has already changed more than I expected. He has different cries for being hungry, sleepy, over-stimulated, and for discomfort. All of them will morph into one very angry cry if not resolved quickly. He is able to control his head rather well and holds it up all the time. He is 50% weaned off the nipple guard. I think in another week he'll be weaned from the other side. He spits up if he eats too much too fast. As long as it takes more than 30 minutes to get the right amount of milk, there is very little spit up. He likes his diaper changes, but doesn't like his clothes being put back on. He likes the Moby, the Beco, and slings. He doesn't mind his car seat. He likes the rumbles of the truck. The "5 S's"still work great to stop his crying. He loves being swaddled. He looks intently at high contrast books, and will track if you move them around. He likes to look in the mirror. If given the option he prefers to look at Mama over Papa. He is a milkaholic, and will eat as much as he is given. He will take a bottle (even if it's cold) or breast feed. He is still learning to keep a pacifier in his mouth, but he really likes them. He likes music and dancing (his whole body, not his arms moved to music). He hates his arms being messed with. He hates cold hands. He already weighs 9lbs, as best we can weigh at home. He turns his head to my voice. He even smiles sometimes. It is very rewarding to watch him grow and change.
We got the link to his newborn album, so here it is:

http://erintole.smugmug.com/Other/Josiah/28541274_zLMpTB#!i=2419327247&k=NS4KJt4

Bedtime plans

At Josiah's two week check up, the pediatrician told us to start a bedtime routine before he was 2 months old. She recommended a routine that doesn't necessarily require me, so that when I go back to work he can still go to bed. I spent some time researching bedtime routines and when to start them. What I have decided so far is to keep it simple. I want to start around 8 weeks old, around the same time we try to transition him to sleeping in his room. For now, we are supposed to watch for sleep patterns, and try to determine when his period of longest sleep is. When we find it, we start the routine 30-45 minutes before the long sleep, at the same time each day. I am also watching for what makes him sleep well with the least amount of fussing. We should experiment with the last meal before bed; can he be fed with either a bottle or breast, or does the method of delivery also need to be the same each time? In my mind, I picture changing him to pajamas, reading a Bible story, praying for him, giving him a bottle, and singing and rocking to sleep in the nursery.
This should be interesting to start. Right now, Bryan and I watch TV until I am sleepy. Maybe we still will, just after Josiah's bed time.

Changes

Last night, Bryan said he didn't come to bed until 5 am, because every time he laid Josiah down he would wake up and cry. Then this morning when I got up with him to tidy the house for Savannah who was coming over and making omelets for us, he started fussing and crying while being caries in the Moby and would only calm down if I laid him down and let him be. I tried picking him up again once he was calm and he screamed and cried again. Fickle child. This evening I was pondering why he likes diaper changes but seems to fuss when it's all over and gets picked up, and I wonder if we are fastening his diapers too tight across his belly and it hurts him so he fusses. I will try doing things more loosely tomorrow and see if it helps. I took some diaper pictures to compare. I have him in a Kissaluvs size 0 and a Pro Wrap in the first, and a Grow Baby (the old version of Grovia) in the second. The old version has a shorter rise, so it fits him already. It is bigger than the newborn stuff we are using, but it contains his messes with no leaks in today's first trial. Poo got on the cover, so I didn't continue to change the inserts.
Today, Josiah slept 5 hours in a row! I wish he'd choose night time for such feats. After awaking, he wanted to eat every 1.5 hours, we did that 3 times, and then he stayed awake for 2 hours, fussy at times, but awake. He then slept 3 hours making it 5 hours between feedings again. He ate every 2 hours after that. We'll see now what surprises he has in store for us tonight.
His baby acne is starting to clear, which makes him cuter than ever. He is smiling more, and for longer, so sometimes if alerted others can see before he stops. His neck control is improving at a rapid rate. It's hard to believe he'll be one month old on Thursday. I know it's been a month, and it hasn't really even flown by or escaped me. I have soaked in the joy of motherhood and watching him grow the whole time. The thing is he is growing. He doesn't stay the same. It's the intrigue and beauty of it, but it's also saddening to know he'll never be that tiny and vulnerable again. He gains more independence every day, and I take both joy and sorrow in it. It's a strange dichotomy.

Weaning the nipple guard

I got up at 4:30 and have been feeding Josiah each feeding since without the nipple guard on the right side. I am not ready to wean the left yet due to a scab that hurts without the guard, but he is. I did not realize how much that guard is slowing him down. He can empty the right side in 5 minutes, where he'll work at the left for 20, if he stays awake that long.
Josiah is very consistently putting his fists and fingers in his mouth to suck on for comfort. Today, he has been doing it several times in a row each time he is hungry. His neck is strong enough that he leans back in the Moby wrap and arches his back so he can look around. He loves looking out the windows at the trees. He watched Bryan as he moved his cocoa cup around. He followed it up and down and when Bryan saw him looking he also followed it side to side.
He still seems back to normal and I am enjoying every minute of it.

Rest day at home

We had another rough night. Josiah wanted frequent feedings, and was very fussy between them. One time, he was trying to use me as a human pacifier. He wanted to weakly suck, or not suck at all, and just sleep, but would wake up screaming if I unlatched him. I got so frustrated with him between 4-8 that Bryan took him out of the room at 8, and let me sleep until I woke up at 12:30. Bryan had fed Josiah at 11:45, so I got to eat breakfast, pump, and just talk to Bryan for a while, before becoming a milk factory again. Today seems better though. Bryan thinks it's because Josiah pooped. He was just having smears for the last 24 hours or more, so Bryan thinks he was backed up and that made him fussy. This may also account for the frequent feedings.
It's been good to stay home, play with Josiah, nap, and cook tasty things. I made molasses cookies, ginger chicken for dinner, and now Bryan is working on chocolate covered strawberries!
I took Josiah out in a onesie while it was sunny. I am trying to justify not giving him Vitamin D medicine. I just don't think it's that necessary.
During one of his awake times Josiah did, I believe intentionally, put his fist in his mouth, and start sucking on it.
He holds his head up a lot when being burped, and when on his stomach, and turns to look at whoever he wants, but he's still got a ways to go before gaining full neck control.

Reset the baby?

I have been praying that Bryan and I will feel rested inspite of lack of sleep. Josiah wanted to eat every two hours again last night, leaving us both exhausted. I got up with him at 8 because I was hungry. I figured I could eat and then nap with Josiah on the couch, since feeding lying in bed wasn't working. He would eat for 3 minutes, then sleep ten, then eat one minute, and sleep 5, and on and on. Napping on the couch didn't work much better. Josiah just wanted to keep on eating. Every time he woke up when unlatched he would cry for more. We ended up just quitting and going consignment shopping with the Bentley's and Greers, and to lunch at Red Robin. He was fussy even walking around in the Moby Wrap. When we got home at 6 he wanted to eat for an hour intermixed with sleep. I quit at 7 and got him to sleep at 8, after an hour of fussing. He then wanted to eat for an hour again at 8:45 and fussed whenever he stopped. Finally, Bryan said we should "reset" him. Start over, change diaper, clothes, location, position, and activity. It may have worked. He is calm now, but I fear for tonight.

It's Friday, Friday, Friday

I have had that annoying teenybopper "Friday" song stuck in my head all day, except for when I was carrying Josiah in the Moby wrap, then I had that You Tube parody that Nike posted a while back, "Wear Your Baby", to the tune of "Call Me Maybe".
I got up after Josiah's 7:30 feeding today. I made steel cut oats in the crock pot, and while I waited for that, I prepped to make ginger chicken, made myself some healthy snacks, and started diaper laundry. Josiah was on the kitchen floor on a quilt. He hung out on his stomach and his back. He fell asleep there, eventually. After I gave him his 10:30 meal, I took a shower. When I came out Bryan was up with Josiah. He must have fussed enough to get Bryan out of bed.
I got some shopping done today. I took Josiah with me and we went to the "Pass It On" sale, met Bryan for Sushi, and went to Costco. (Bryan is concerned that Josiah has been in 2 sushi restaurants in his first month of life, but not to any steakhouses.) It feels good to be stocked with a month's worth, or more, of good food, and to have a plan and motivation to cook it!
I took a nice 3 mile walk with Christy. Josiah was pretty fussy near the end. I felt bad for him because he had to wait for 15 minutes to get home to eat, and for Christy, who had to listen to him fuss most of the way home.
We went early to pizza night and enjoyed time with Twi and Jason, as well as with my parents and Joel.
I am beyond tired. I am wishing I took a nap today. Maybe I'll remember this feeling and plan for more time for rest next time.

Enjoying parenthood.

I got to relax and enjoy parenting today. I made a tasty breakfast. I played with Josiah. I went for a run with Josiah, walked the neighborhood, and visited with Yaiko a little.
Josiah was very awake for the afternoon, so I just sat and talked to him, and memorized every little thing about him. He's already changing a lot. He holds his head up a lot and turns it with purpose. He focuses on things a ways away. He has different cries for hunger, poop, being overstimulated, and sleepiness. He has hair on his eyebrows. He smiles sometimes, seemingly randomly. I doubt it's gas since his farts are always so loud. He likes to watch mobiles. I just soaked in as much of it as I could today.
It was a good day.

Changes

Last night went well again. Bryan and I even made a little time to talk, pray, and read together before I went to sleep. Josiah did really well. He didn't want to sleep until 10, like I wanted to, so I got up with him at 9. Bryan made us a fire and went back to bed. I did a good job of not over using the Internet, and not distracting myself with TV. I just hung out with Josiah and enjoyed him. He was on his stomach for 15 minutes without fussing. We spent some time in his room looking in the mirror, at the mobile, and at his black and white high contrast cards. After reading more about latching and positions, I tried the cross over position on the right with no guard, and Josiah ate for 15 minutes like that. He unlatched and relatched several times, so I have hope we can do it more, and maybe successfully wean from the guard!
After my lunch and feeding Josiah, I pumped to be sure I was empty and went for a run. It was only 12 minutes at 10 minute pace, but I did it. My lungs were working hard, my abs worked hard, and my pelvic region felt loose, but I did not feel like I had to pee with every step, or like I was having contractions or anything at all like it felt running while pregnant. It feels like these new issues are an improvement on the former ones. I will probably try again tomorrow.
Mom came by, gave us more wood vacuumed the living room, and we took Rusty for a walk since he was all bent out of shape about the chickens being in his yard.
I also made dinner. Nothing complicated, but I put ingredients together and made food. I am feeling like I am actively participating in my life at the moment, not just reacting to what has gone on and what is going on.
Pumping milk seems to be going well. I pump 30 minutes after a feeding, which is usually an hour or more before the next and I am getting a nice supply of milk. I wonder if I can store up enough that I won't have to pump as fervently when I go back to work, but Josiah could still have breast milk for a whole year. We'll see.
After all that, we decided to go to the grocery store. I think we bought a month's worth of groceries. We haven't really been in 4 weeks. We didn't quite fit the trip into the times between feedings. Josiah got pretty upset and hungry. We ended up feeding him a bottle in the car seat so we could continue with our plan to treat ourselves to drinks from Sonic.
I'd say it was a successful day, hopefully I get to sleep some because I am tired.