I got to talk to a coworker today who is trying to conceive. It's been about 8 months, and she is getting quite discouraged. I was able to share with her that I had convinced myself 8 months into trying to conceive that something was severely wrong with me, and that I couldn't have children of my own. I didn't exactly share that there were days that I did nothing but drown my misery in television and try to absorb myself in the fake lives of those on the shows since I didn't want much to do with my own life. I struggled and mostly failed to find meaning in life when I was thinking I couldn't have children. Maybe I should have told her. I am not sure it's quite that bad for her. I will get to talk to her more soon. She does have a few patients on my floor right now. If I feel God wants me to share those dark months to help her, I will.
I don't understand why we hurting individuals keep their pain so private and quiet. It didn't help me at all when I would hold it in and not tell people how much it hurt when I thought that for some reason God wasn't going to allow me the chance to raise a child. When I shared with this coworker about what fertility treatments were like and where I was treated, I mentioned others who were treated there and she was surprised to hear multiple names of people she knew to be pregnant or recently gave birth who had needed fertility assistance. I think the best thing I did for her tonight was to let her know that she is not alone. That was one of the things that helped me once I stopped myself from hiding my emotional pain I went through while thinking I may never have children.
Sometimes what we need most is to be reminded we aren't alone and hear the stories of those who have walked our path.
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