10 month-old gift complaint

Dear Santa,

I thought I was clear when we meet, that I didn't want all those baby things my mom has been saying I need for Christmas. I tried hard, though tears even, to explain to you that I have a list of several things that really I do want and they are not baby toys. 

I do not want baby toys this year. 

Not big ones.

Not noisy ones.

Not colorful ones.

Not floating ones.

I am a creative guy.

I improvise just fine for my own entertainment. But there are several things that I have been wanting, that my parent's just won't let me have that I was hoping you could provide.

I see my Papa use this every day. It has all kinds of great places to put my little fingers and when done right produces the most spectacular bright shiny spot at the tip.

I need an endless supply of these wooden test sticks. My Papa keeps putting them in the fire but I need them to test the sound they make against all the objects in the house. Oh, and could you please keep the dog from taking them from me to chew on them. They are to be mine, not his.

My parents let me play with these once, and then never allowed it again. They are irresistibly sparkly and colorful. I would like a set to line my bed.

I would like one of these fun filled, stand up, rolling, decorating toys. Every time I try to aid in decorating with it, I get taken to another room and the door shut. It is endless fun to unwind and wrap around other things. Could you install one next to my wooden tester sticks?

I would really like one of these chew toys. This one I am told belongs to the dog, who clearly already has all his teeth. Mine are just coming in and I could really use a sturdy chew toy. My parents keep giving me flimsy little things that aren't nearly as effective, and are much harder to hang onto.

I would like full access to all the contents inside this magical box. The few times I have gotten to play in it, the items made the most fabulous sounds when banged together and when I got them open they tasted so much better than Cheerios.

I would like one of these floor level splashing stations in every room of the house. Splashing is one of my favorite activities and whenever I get to this one my parents move me or it to another room.

I would really like one of these stand up light and noise machines complete with cord that isn't defective, like this one is. It is fantastic until it starts taking all the small, interesting and tasty specks that I love to play with off the floor. Why would it do such a thing? Be sure to include the cord, it's the best part.

I would like a set of these. Complete with grey fuzzy blobs in the soft bristles. Every time I have gotten close enough to try to taste one my parents take it away before I can taste it. I am sure those fuzzy balls must be divine.

I would like more of this stuff spread all over the house. It is fantastic for tasting and throwing. My parents are constantly trying to rid the house of it. They just don't understand.

I would like a set of these metal test sticks in various shapes to go along with the wooden ones pictured above. My parents are always shutting these in a box and don't allow me to test them and the sounds they make all over the house. How will I ever know what things are without them?
Please replace all baby toys with the pictured gifts that I really do want.
Sincerely your unsatisfied 10 month old costumer,
Josiah Wright